HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
