i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
