Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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