And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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