I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
