So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
