she was so not down for the gang bang
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
