what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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