Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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