You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
lets start a swedish sibling band together
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
