If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
