so explain again why im purple
no
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
