That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
