dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
