47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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