If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize