Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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