Where is the hickey?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
