I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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