If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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