The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
