So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
