I wish my penis had an off switch
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize