so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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