Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
