I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
