Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
