you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
