Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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