I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize