I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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