its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
