Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
