How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
