I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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