You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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