i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
