i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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