You made me cry and you don't even care
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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