wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
