Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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