I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
