Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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