I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
