Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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