careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
