I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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