and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
