Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
