Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
