how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
