If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We are two peas in an std pod
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
