I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
