Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
