That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
