Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
