..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
