Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
