Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
