in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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