I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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