I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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