textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
